and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
