I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
