New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
