screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
