We're facebook friends in real life
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
