the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize