Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
