I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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