It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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