I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She even gives head with a lisp.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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