Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
