the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
