A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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