the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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