I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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