do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
