dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
