When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
