so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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