Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize