You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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