he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
