I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
