i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
