I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
