if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize