Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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