there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
birth control should be required to get into college
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
