I like to think it a success when the cops are called
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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