I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
