just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
