Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
