69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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