I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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