he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
