ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
