I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize