I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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