I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
