ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
