We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
