I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
