We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
