last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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