Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
