Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
