He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
