big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
