I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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