I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
so much tequila, so little girl.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
