I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
