I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
