Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
