I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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