: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
