I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
