I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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