Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No stitches, just platelets and will power
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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