I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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