Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
