I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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