okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
