Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
