Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
