Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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