so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
