I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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