Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
